wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
