I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
