I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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