right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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