even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
