So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Someone came in the potted fern
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
