i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
