If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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