i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hippo gnu deer
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone signed my nipple.
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