Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
