Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
