the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
