Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
