dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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