What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
