Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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