Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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