i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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