I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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