Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
