32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What a dumb baby whore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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