She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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