Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
