remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I could fuck to npr.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
