fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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