why didn't you poke me back
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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