The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
