I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
