hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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