Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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