she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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