I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
bring money and cleavage
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
