btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
