Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i think i just lost a toe
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
