What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
