So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
