when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
