The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
