I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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