Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!

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(209): View more from California

this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.

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(714): View more from California

You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

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(352): View more from Florida

Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation

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(706): View more from Georgia

Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos

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(620): View more from Kansas

Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.

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