If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
