i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
