I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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