chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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