And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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