During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
