I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she told me i tasted like america
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
