I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
