Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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