Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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