Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
