he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
